an encounter with God, TrailBlazers Series, unmaskedstories.

Permission Granted

A certain need to get clarity in my life.

inner me, stop beating around the bush, going  round in circles ,undefined.

Permission Granted.

A TrailBlazer I am.

No more  procrastinating ,coupled with critical self-.doubt.

Who is a TrailBlazer l ask.

You who has proudly and clearly declared  ;

Enough is Enough!

No more other minority roles.

No to self fights and seeking validation all over

The past is the past!

It will not dictate my present.

Self-pity parties ,gate crashing into toxic friendships,no more.

A Big No to copy-cating,am an original. .

(forget it dreamer ,the other voice whispers.)

No!No! No! This time it is for Real.

I Forgive myself for repetitive mistakes.

I Forgive others for wrongs done unto  me.

I choose to  venture into unknown places,

Iearn new skills, unlearn unproductive habits.

seek collaborative , healthy relationships on purpose ,

serve authentically and as  uncomplicated as possible .

“Why Now? you ask.

Why Not ?

The time is Now and the place is Here.

No longer my worst enemy .

My very own best friend.

“Aha!” moment……I grab it accept it and  hug it .

The pitfalls of hell ,the valley of dry bones a story of the past.

I tell a new story ,every alive moment, and joyfully share because l care.

What do l say?

Give yourself permission.

Educate yourself.

Be Curious.

Know ye for yourself.

Listen to your heartbeat.

Consult your life experiences stored data and evaluate them

Without judgement recognize them for what they were;simply,importantly,experiences.

“No more-No less”.

Do not settle for less than your gifted potential.

Explore into that inner person that you are destined to  be.

The planet is your playground ,your work field too.

The Universe summons you. Stop.Listen.Embrace.

You are a child of The Most High.The Creator.

Be a TrailBlazer.

Hugs and Love

an encounter with God, TrailBlazers Series

A Prayer for Balance

We Seek Oneness, Our hearts and minds ;from

The The Most High,Creator,Divine.

The gifts of  empathy ,discernment and instictive love  we appreciate.

  Correct our  limbs and show us the way.

Our inner child  adores your Thy Spirit ,with an innocence

that refreshes us  during the foggy seasons of frustrations and emotional imbalances.

The eyes can see and the ears can hear ,when we seek Thee in silent prayer .

O Most High,Thy Fresh Breath gives our lungs the strength as air pumps  ,

sheltering us with unforseen blessings  ,

given with unconditional love.

Teach us O Spirit, to dwell in Your Presence ,

that  we may know that which is usually beyond our understanding.

We seek wisdom to navigate the roaring waters and sail through stormy times .

Calm us to believe Thy Word that consoles  “It is well my child”.

Engaged with Thy children,in Thine

Universal grace and mercies,we witness a time such as this,

great innovations and great awakening.

In this sacred place, Mother Earth ,as co-creators, for Thy purposes

we hope serve.

Forgive us for numerous wrongs .

Impart in us a willingness to be teachable and compassionate.

May this prayer warm us all .

Hugs and Love.


an encounter with God, TrailBlazers Series, unmaskedstories.

Complexity of Diasporan Life

Where is home?Home Sweet Home. O how l long for you.l proudly state am Kenyan;African.Beautiful land,wonderful people .But fellow Kenyans are you ready for your children`s return from  the diaspora?As we  prepare to come over for the December holidays,to enjoy the sunshine  ,the missed laughter and the  joy of sitting under the canopy trees, eating Nyama choma with Ugali,Sukumawiki ,Managu  ,Mukimo pamoja na kachumbari ya avacado na pilipili we are somewhat apprehensive,compiling the answers, developing  the smile skills as references to”Xmas Bunnies”, Watu wa  “Majuu” are expected.Do we really live there I ask? Isn`t it more like “Chini ya maji” under the waters?These are the complexity of beliefs about life abroad,living in the Diaspora.I  believe this is  one of the major causes of why our youth want to migrate especially from Kenya, a land that is not at war.The false potrayal and wrong implication of Europe as being “Majuu” “Chums land”,Pesa mingi -lots of money and a privileged life.”Is this true?”Let us for a moment look at things from an average Afro-diasporan in German Lifestyle.Most of us earn a Basic salary of  450 Euros within an average family of three or four.We  have to work an average of 40 Hours a week ,very hard back Breaking work ,coupled with the personal Household work of laundry,taking the Kids to School, the playground,shopping,etc because house help is out of the question:unaffordable.The average house rents plus utilities for a family of four under social housing what we call estates in Kenya is approximately 700-950Euro if not more.The average Afro-diasporan because of our communal and cultural upbringing,which is very Good ,is obliged too to assist back home especially with the education of their sibling and parents.The average Afro -diasporan is also a human being with the wants of a normal person of once in a while entertainment ,fashionable clothes or a holiday.The only Advantage;abroad:which in Europe is a legal Right, is that at “Home 2″ the Government has a concrete ,social democratic structure that caters for the family in terms of child welfare and a compulsory Health care System,and education  for Children and the under-privileged in Society.As Long as you are registered or even those seeking assylum nobody goes hungry and everybody lives under a shelter. However,the guilt and the shame (on behalf of even their families),of the reality struggles of life”Majuu” abroad makes most of the diasporans potray a never ending life of happiness and leisure on social media ;especially on Facebook and instragram. My article today is pleading with our former classmates ,friends and relatives,”know ye the truth”.Google it on Internet.We are no better than you,and we  are probably in a worse situation.Avoid a reception of  interrogative Questions and insensitive remarks  that  leave us feeling deflated or convert us into liars..”Umetuletea nini kutoka majuu?””Sii uni ite huko kwenyu (siyo kwetu tafadhali)….Niko ready kuosha kashosho auch kuolewa na kamuzee ( mimi siyo Job Center)”.What type of conclusive Statements are these?Lets get rid of the malice and stop de-identifying others by making them feel as Outsiders in their motherland.I have not translated the Swahili-sheng sentences (in brackets are my answers) on purpose.Do not even ask us “What do you do?”Lets hug ;eat some Nyama choms,have tea or a beer and laugh about good times.

Hugs & Love …missing home”kenya na wewe”

an encounter with God, TrailBlazers Series, Uncategorized, unmaskedstories.

When is a Hurt for Real?

  • Some HURTS are really like for Real! HURTS  that won`t go away and you hear :”I am looking forward to the day I can leave all this HURT behind” Hurts where forgiveness is not an option and there is a lot of pain and injury to the heart.“Hurt Feelings!“.Hurt feelings are almost impossible to get rid of .WHY? I identified a lack of LISTENING to another person as a major cause, when a person feels they are not being heard..When one party  feels constantly intimidated,fearful and inferior to another .When that person`s individuality and identity has being exploited ,violated by another .When  an invasion into the  space of another takes place by using a  superiority complex attitude. Most people say words like ,he or she  “looks down on me” or “thinks I am stupid!”.When such thoughts linger in  one`s mind , healing can be achieved by hearing the other person out.Allowing the hurt feelings  to be expressed , and showing an  attitude of understanding and maybe an inevitable apology .This can in most cases bring about a reconcilliation.During my research ,I encountered  Dr Donna Hick and her model of dignity: that reconcilliation at any level can only come through an acceptance of the other person`s identity.I go further to point out that this identity is the thought that no one is superior to another.She states;”We all have an inherent,right to worth and value”.I too believe we were naturally born as loving and caring and we should stick to  this nurturing attitude in order to have healthy relationships : be it as parents,siblings,partners,community residents,co-workers ,students or persons co-habiting a space like inside a bus or supermarket.

The pains of the heart are the worst pains as compared to physical injuries which can in most cases be healed by medicines and other forms of therapy.But “HURT FEELINGS” go deep ,because they are usually caused by words .WORDS go deep and travel far ,weakening the bones through lack of immobility, internal organs are damaged through toxicity from harmful substances inhaled,drank or eaten.Self-confidence and Self-esteem escape and a lack of interest to interact, for food or sex and vital activities ensues.This state is what  we generally know as Depression.What can we do to avoid violating the dignity of another?Hurting each other?.

  • We  can learn to Listen more in order to hear those unspoken thoughts.
  • We can learn to be Humane in our Actions by caring and sharing:being my brother`s/sister`s keeper
  • We can learn to appreciate the work of others and acknowledge good work by giving credit where it is due.
  • We can learn the art of giving others the benefit of doubt by giving them a chance:second and third  to prove themselves through patience and teaching.
  • We can learn to help ;be another`s shield and defender.
  • We can start to value each others individual ,unique,God given,super DNA.
  • We can recognise in all that Dignity is our DNA .
  • We can embrace and celebrate our diversity regardless of race,religious affiliations,age,countries of heritage , physical outlooks ,cultural, and traditional backgrounds.
  • Iets learn to Hug more,Love more,Pray for one another and above All embrace The Most High for direction and providence and our Oneness.
an encounter with God, TrailBlazers Series, unmaskedstories.

Kenyan Embassy:Are you for us?

I am embittered!I am frustrated!Hurt!My basic rights as a Kenyan citizen in the Diaspora in Germany, have been violated by the very people who are supposed to protect them.My journey started by my complying with the latest news from my beautiful country Kenya,that requires all its citizens to get their new updated passports by next year 2019.Since my passport was expiring in December 2018,I decided to travel to Kenya in August 2018 and get my new East African Community passport  before the expiry date.I recieved the same without a struggle from Nyayo house ,Nairobi. l returned back to Cologne Germany where I have live as a permanent resident in October 2018.However,on going to the foreign offices in Germany in order to get my EU identity card ,l was told l had to change my Passport Surname Ngugi to Latz the official name on all my documents by marriage.I was advised to do that at my Embassy in Berlin by getting an endorsement stamped at a fee since that was the procedure.I called the Kenyan Embassy in order to make an appointment to travel or send the passport since that has been the case for the last three renewals.But ,what happened next left me shocked and in tears and that was the beginning of my woes and many sleepless nights.The man  who picked up the phone (never identified himself by name) could not even care to listen to my request for more than 3 minutes.The Embassy official  proceeded to admonish me for having not taken the correct passport,  a new one and not renewal.I tried to tell him ,I was at the Nairobi head office physically,waited over three weeks for my passport,and got my new passports and old punched holes officially from counter no.13 and the same has an Embassy stamp with change of name in 2009.I needed clarification as to what he meant it is the wrong one?He rudely and literally told me to take a plane and go back to Kenya and that this procedure of their stamping the passports stopped in 2009.I told him I had no money to fly back from where I had just come from 3 days ago,and why could the Embassy not help me with a letter so that the German foreign office can confirm ,l  ,madam “Ngugi , I am one and the same person as madam “Latz” ,in order for me to get my permanent visa  back.To cut a long story short,he said that is not their work.He was rude.He made me feel confused,stupid,helpless ,lost for words literally and even lose a good job opportunity I had applied for since the names were not corressponding

After much fear and prayer.I returned back to the German foreign offices” Auslanderamt .I explained everything .(God is God and when God say it is not over,it is not).The German lady,official handled me with understanding ,what I call dignity.She advised  me to get a plane ticket,as proof I was ready to go back to Kenya to get the changes made,which a friend bought  for me.She proceeded to give me a solution that made me feel whole and sane :a 6 months temporary visa on my Kenyan name so l now can be able to  travel in and out of countries.Kenya,Germany and other transit ones safetly and not live illegally.

My question is this?I need to understand:Why do we have a Kenyan Embassy in Berlin?How do they represent us?What are they doing to keep Kenyans informed about the different laws and procedures?Does this man at the Kenyan Embassy desk realize that he was turning me into a refugee by refusing to clarify my identity yet they have me on their records just like the German offices said they knew I was Ngugi but the EU identity has to read the names on all my documents which is Latz my marital name, and that job is my Embassy”Botschaft” to confirm.Is there no way he could have handled this situation differently?by:

A)Connecting me to his seniors ,who probably have the authority to stamp the change of name

B)Speak to me in a more polite and less aggressive manner.

C)listen to me (at one time he cut off the line and l had to call again and he said with no excuse that he had to take another call.),try to understand my dilemma.

D)When I called  a third day and enquired  about a travel document he told me I must travel to Berlin .Fullstop.

When I calculated,that would have cost me 122€ back and forth without accomodation or food.I did not have that cash.

I had to write this article .I felt obligated to bring to light the kind of humiliation we Kenyans encounter at our Kenyan Embassy in Berlin.Every single platform on the Social media has lost confidence in them.They are rude,lack compassion and are not their country peoples care-takers.One small incident,due to a fellow Kenyan ,who has refused to do their work in a manner that acknowledges and understands the plight of its people almost led me to be hospitalised with depression due to sleepless nights ,turn me into a fugitive or have me jailed ,deported and lose my residency and almost my life.

Mr man at the official desk in Berlin:”If this was your sister or daughter or mother;would you have handled her the same way?”October2018.